And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
