You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
