ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
