my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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