You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
