I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
