Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
