So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wear drunk well.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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