their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
