Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
