Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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