so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
