i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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