He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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