i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
