I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
