Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
