I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
