Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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