we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
