Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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