she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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