I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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