xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
