everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
