Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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