fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
