Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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