i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
