I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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