i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
