trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
