WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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