thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I still have a little drunk in my system
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
