if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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