So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
