Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
