you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
