he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
