So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
