somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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