We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
