Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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