the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
