they need to just BURY HIM!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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