you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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