This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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