drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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