If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
