I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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